Feeling the Heat Down South

A friend sent me these photos as a timely reminder that humans aren’t the only ones that suffer during extreme temperatures. Water restrictions are making it difficult for our wildlife to exist also.
The heatwave down south brought this stressed young koala out from the bush, looking for some respite.
These are amazing photos considering the koala had no prior human handling at all. He wandered in to the photographer’s yard, she filled a bowl and the shots are the result

(Unfortunately the other photos would not download, however this little fellow became the symbol of hope in the bushfire devestation.

How to ask your Boss for a Salary Increase...

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately.
I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

I kNOw you have been working very hard.
NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.
You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession.
After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad . I have NOthing more to add NOw.
You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly, Manager

Signs of Things to Come

And The rains came tumbling down!

It pays to watch the signs. These two guys knew wet weather was coming before we did. Like ants, they were moving to higher ground.

The cloud formation hastened us home from Charters Towers. This sky shot was taken outside Pentland, before the heavens opened. I’ve never seen the sky so dark.

Odd News around The World

GPS—Don’t Leave Home Without it.
MARSEILLE, France (Reuters) - A hapless thief drilled his way into a French bank at the weekend, but missed the safe and instead found himself in a lavatory where he was promptly arrested, a French newspaper reported on Sunday.
The 21-year-old broke into a building adjoining a branch of Banque Populaire in the Mediterranean port city of Marseille in the early hours of Saturday morning, La Provence newspaper said.
The paper said the man, who came from Belgium and was not named, thought that he was going to end up in a room housing safe deposit boxes but instead drilled into the lavatories.
Alarms were triggered when he broke through the wall and police caught the man when they arrived on the scene.
(Reporting by Jean-Francois Rosnoblet, Writing by Crispian Balmer; Editing by Jon Boyle)
Now — THAT’S a SNAKE.
Stunned scientists have found the fossilised remains of the world's greatest snake - a record-busting serpent that was as long as a bus and snacked on crocodiles.
The boa-like behemoth ruled the tropical rainforests of what is now Colombia some 60 million years ago, at a time when the world was far hotter than now, they report in a study released on Wednesday.
The size of the snake's vertebrae suggest the beast weighed some 1.135 tonnes, in a range of 730kg to 2.03 tonnes.
And it measured 13 metres from nose to tail, in a range of 10.64-15 metres, they estimate.
"Truly enormous snakes really spark people's imagination, but reality has exceeded the fantasies of Hollywood," said Jonathan Block, a vertebrate palaeontologist at the University of Florida, who co-led the work.
"The snake that tried to eat Jennifer Lopez in the movie Anaconda is not as big as the one we found.
"At its greatest width, the snake would have come up to about your hips," said David Polly, a geologist at the University of Indiana at Bloomington.
The investigators found the remains of the new species at an unlikely location - one of the world's biggest open-cast coal mines, in Cerrejon, Colombia, where giant machines The investigators found the remains of the new species at an unlikely location - one of the world's biggest open-cast coal mines, in Cerrejon, Colombia, where giant machines had exposed the remains. (Yahoo News 6-2-09)
Its Raining.
And we’re lucky it is only water. In 1578 Norway had a deluge of yellow mice that fell into the sea and swam ashore; Singapore, after an earthquake in 1861 was blessed by hundreds of fish which fell onto the streets. Worse, in Tenessee, thousands of snakes dropped out of the sky during a rainstorm in 1877.
More recently in the streets of Birmingham, Britain, frogs hailed heads in 1954 and in 1969 hundreds of dead ducks dropped into the streets of Maryland.
The explanation for this phenomena is unclear but it is suspected that high winds are responsible for the oddly distributed livestock.

The Half-wit

(contributed by a reader)

A man owned a small farm near Boones Mill. The Virginia State Wage & Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demandedthe agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who'sbeen with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Kids in Church

A little boy was overheard praying, “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

Kids in Church

A little boy was overheard praying, “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

On the Job.

Goannas are not so common that one local photographer could ignore the chance of this shot as the giant took a stroll.

November Rains

While we enjoy the lush growth following the welcome rains (5 inches in two days) the maintenance crews have been busy mopping up. This train derailment just west of Homestead caused the cancellation of the ‘Bullet’ as gangs tried to shore up the washed out tracks. Some weeks later the engine is still waiting for the ground to be firm enough for the cranes to lift it back onto the tracks.
Telstra, Ergon and Road maintenance men were all busy repairing damage days after the first downpour.

Blackouts.
The widespread electrical storms caused a series of power outages in the Torrens Creek area. The inconvenience of finding ways to get that first cup of coffee was exacerbated by the knowledge that few were prepared. Empty generators and gas cylinders attested to how few boy scouts there were in town. Ergon advises to ring in the outage as soon as possible and keep getting updates on progress.

Imparja Changes Boundaries.
At the same time as the storms started Imparja Television changed its boundaries. Without warning people in the area found they no longer received their programs. This caused major problems for those people who watch the cricket Test series.
If you are one of those who were disowned by the service Imparja advise that you email them at: decoders@imparja.com.au and supply the following information: Smart card, Town -, Post code -, Postal address -, Phone Number. This should get you back on air.

Recipe

DANGEROUS CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE.
Ingredients
1 Coffee Mug, 4 tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising),4 tablespoons sugar, 2 tablespoons baking cocoa,1 egg, 3 tablespoons milk, 3 tablespoons oil, 3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional),Small splash of vanilla.
Method
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well . Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts. The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to share!) It really is too much for one!!!!!!!!!
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Handy Hint

Cleaning Glass. Use soda water in a squirt bottle, spray it on and polish with a soft cloth. Works well on television screens, windows and mirrors.

Editor's Desk

It’s been another busy year with probably the best rains since we’ve moved here. Nicely spaced throughout the year too. So many different plants have flowered for the first time, including my crazy parrot tree, and have kept flowering. I see the rain trees are in flower—again. The fluffy flowers remind me of May Gibbs stories which were so popular when I was small, and the perfume is heavenly, especially at night. This year I discovered that what I had thought was onion weed, and I kept rooting out, was actually this pretty plant. Any ideas what it is?
The fauna has been varied this year too. I noted our resident kangaroo is back. I always get a buzz when I come across him in some paddock as I walk the dogs in the morning. Recently we have had lots of hawks follow us in these walks. Many more than we usually see here. We’d start with one or two and by the time the walk was done we’d have a cloud of them above us, like a canopy. Now there are quite a few black cockatoos around, again more than usual. That probably means something .
I must say the arrival of the fruit bats wasn’t so welcome. I worried that it may be a repeat of the infestation we had several years ago. Who would want to live through that again? As is, they at least leave by first light to go where ever they nest, and take their smell with them. Charters Towers, I noticed, have them back in force in the gardens.
Did anyone see the ‘Smiley Man’? The alignment of Mars, Venus and the Moon in early December? I missed it. Pete , who is a almost permanent camper at the hotel took a photo but it did not copy well enough to print. Thanks anyway Pete. A friend in the northern hemisphere pointed out that up there the man had a down-turned mouth.
I guess our high spot this year was the surprise visit from some friends from U.S.A. They rang when they’d reached Charters Towers, so you can imagine the run about we did. They were really impressed with their stay. Thought the accommodation was excellent and loved the casual atmosphere of the hotel. Nice to know not everyone thinks we’re crazy.
Christmas is almost here . Thanks to all of you who have supported this newsletter. I hope you all have a wonderful, happy time, that the weather is perfect and Santa is good to you. Keep the spirit of Christmas alive. Until January, keep well. Frances.

First Ambrosia Success.

First Ambrosia a Success.
Greeting and salutations from all members of the Torrens Creek Golf Club. We have had a great year of social and tournament golf with our newest member Wayne Collin runner up in our open and a win in the Boulia open, great start in his rookie year.
Sad to say he and his wife are leaving so club membership will be back to 3.
We have held our open and Ambrosia this year with fantastic support from the community who helped with donations in many ways of time, meat and or effort. Our thanks to Frank, Frances, Ken, Wayne and Linda, Terry and Carol, Barry and Michelle, Trish and Ian, Bruce Duffield, Peter Hall and Shawn. A special thanks to Rowly and Cynthia of the Rural Fire Brigade which, in turn made some money to help with getting a fire truck.
So back to golf. Liz Grimmer proved to be our most valuable player, picking up numerous wins and prizes and Hughenden’s Lady Golfer of the year. Well done Babe.
We play Ambrose Saturday and Sunday arvos. Anybody is welcome to join us.
Thanks again to all. Have a safe Christmas.

Linda's Last Word

Hello Everyone,
Well, I’ve found me Husband, I’m going now. Wayne and I are heading off from Torrens Creek on the 12th of January. I was lucky enough to get a job at Maryborough, I’ve since found out that ‘everyone wants to go to Maryborough’ (the words of the Assistant Commissioner who came to visit the other day), but fortunately enough I think I had enough people say good things about me. The transfer was in the Police Gazette on 17th October but I volunteered to stay on here for Christmas and New Year and whilst they find a replacement. I’ve received phone calls from 3 officers down south inquiring about the place who have since submitted their applications so I’m confident the position will be filled in no time.
Wayne is looking forward to the change. The house we’ve bought has a huge big barn style shed that I’ve already called ‘Wayne’s World’.
I thank everyone in the Torrens Creek Division for their friendship and being ‘well behaved’ during my time here. The doors were always open for BBQs, dinners, drinks and good times which makes time in the country all that more special. And I can’t believe I’m leaving here a ……was going to say golfer……..but I don’t consider myself a ‘golfer’, shall I say having tried my hand at golf. And the Maryborough Golf Course is 13.5km from our house (Wayne’s measured it) so we hope to continue it down there.
Wishing everyone a very Happy Christmas and New Year. Please be careful if you’re driving, this is the time that everyone appears to have to get from A to B the quickest and does stupid things.
Bye for now, take care.
Linda & Wayne

Melbourne up Cheer

Melbourne Cup was celebrated in various ways in Torrens Creek. At the Exchange Hotel comfort was the order of the day as would be winners gathered to enjoy a tasty lunch and watch the race on the large screen.
The weather contributed to the festive feel of the day and even those whose horse didn’t come in were reluctant to end the day when the main business was completed.
Frances Mackay won the best hat, a Taiwanese concoction of off white (over washed in Torrens Creek water) knitted fabric. The Editor’s choice was Carol’s fashionable red pictured above. Couldn’t have matched the tree better, could she.

Message to Australian Pensioners

(contributed by a Reader)
The federal government is sending each and every one a $1400 Xmass BONUS to help the economy.
If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China .
If we spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs, if we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan,
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on beer and booze, since these are the only product still produced in Australia . Thank you for your help

The Irish Ghost

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and....wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other..'Look Paddy.....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!

Desley's Achievements

Desley Webb has done it again. This time in the big smoke. Brisbane, no less.
Desley received a First Prize and a Highly Commended at the recent Brisbane Show. You’re doing us proud Desley. Well done.

Our own Little House on the Prairie

So here is what we’ve been waiting for. Our own public toilet, finally. The neat building is an early Christmas present to the town, a combined effort of the Flinders Shire, Queensland Rail and Main Roads. Looks a little like a guard post on a border crossing, don’t you think?
Now all we need is for the wheelie bin to be moved from the Flying Doctor’s rooms to this new site.
It also looks as if the town is getting a lawn trim for Christmas, judging by the tractor mower parked outside in Maude Street.
As I write the water meters are being read. Just to keep us warned if we go over our quota. Nice touch, and appreciated.

Odd News

Way to Go Pizza Man!
MIRAMAR, Fla. – A pizza delivery man fought back with the one weapon he had handy when a gun was pulled on him in a stickup: A large, hot pepperoni pizza.
Delivery man Eric Lopez Devictoria, 40, flung the steaming pie at the gunman, buying time as he ran for safety, police said.
At least one shot was fired as Devictoria fled, but the deliveryman wasn't hurt and was able to quickly call police, according to authorities.
Three teenage suspects were nabbed soon after Wednesday's run-in with the cheesy weapon, police said, adding they were charged with armed robbery.
It’s Not Easy Being Green!
A study from Brown University has revealed that skin tone is associated with gender, with women on average having more green in their complexion, while men appear to be redder.
The group led by Professor Michael J. Tarr analysed 100 images each of Caucasian males and females, controlled for lighting conditions, with subjects wearing no makeup. These were then processed on Matlab to create sexually ambiguous face images slightly distorted with visual noise that randomly included more red or green pixels.
Non-color blind subjects were then asked to identify the gender of the distorted images over repeated sessions (10 one hour sessions) and then the color content for each was analysed.
On average the ‘female’ faces appeared greener, while the ‘males’ were redder, however this does not appear to be absolute and the use of color to identify objects is still controversial. Overall, this study demonstrates that observers use color to identify gender when other features are obscured.
Far more disturbing (though sadly not addressed in this paper) is the growing evidence to confirm long-held suspicions of the opposite sex: women are aliens and men are devilish! ( Science Daily)
One sore Loser.
CANBERRA (Reuters) – An Australian gambler who lost millions in a A$1.4 billion ($909 million) gaming spree is suing one of the country's largest casinos, claiming he was targeted by managers despite a known gambling addiction.
In a case which lawyers say could have implications stretching to China, gambling addict Harry Kakavas is suing Crown Casino in Melbourne for A$50 million damages after a mammoth 14-month baccarat binge in which he lost A$37 million.
At the time in 2007, property developer Kakavas had been barred from every casino in Australia.
But the Supreme Court in Victoria state was told that Crown's management did not "give a monkey's" about a prohibition in place since 2004, the Age newspaper said.
Supreme Court documents said Kakavas wore a concealed recorder that captured Crown managers allegedly attempting to lure him back to its riverside baccarat tables.
Crown is owned by Australian billionaire James Packer, who also operates Crown Macau and is developing a second casino project, The City of Dreams, in the Chinese territory. Last year the company reported profits of A$370 million.
"We have no intention of responding to the allegations made publicly. We are defending the action vigorously," Crown spokesman Gary O'Neill told Reuters.
Crown Chief Executive Rowen Craigie and Chief Operating Officer John Williams face accusations of unconscionable conduct while in charge of Crown, which this month reported revenue from table games and gaming machines up 4 percent as Packer looks to expand in Macau.
Court documents in Melbourne alleged that emails detailed a Crown plan to lure back Kakavas after managers discovered he had lost millions of dollars gambling in Las Vegas.
If found guilty, Crown could be judged to have breached Australia's Trade Practices Act, state gambling regulations and special laws covering the high-profile casino's operation.
(Reporting by Rob Taylor; editing by Roger Crabb)

And for this they get Big Bucks?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.__________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.__________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? __________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?__________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

A Lighter Side.

Fari’s Visits.
Pre Christmas 22nd December.
Special fruit packs Can be ordered
Phone. 40954689
Service will resume after January. (Fari’s having a holiday!)

A Lighter Side.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few seconds the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said: 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.'
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, 'May I ask what the chicken did?'

Did you know…
Viscount Horatio Nelson was one of Britain’s great admirals—but he was always seasick during his voyages?